What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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