woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
