I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
