I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
