Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
