you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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