its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
