I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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