Just cropdusted the office
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
