i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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