So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
