So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
