Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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