You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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