kristin has been a bad kristin
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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