The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
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Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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