And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
