weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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