So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
