She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
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So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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