its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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