if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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