no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
