I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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