11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
