i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
