We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
