I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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