What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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