I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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