Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
