i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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