nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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