in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
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The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
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There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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