Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
