If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
