Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
