Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
