I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
