i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
