I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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