my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The beer is more important than you right now.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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