i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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