Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
