I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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