they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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