32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
