I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
