he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
