Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
