I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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