I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
