3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
