Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
