All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
