I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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