I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
