Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
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Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Pants are for mortals
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize