you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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