Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
