You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
