Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
