GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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