I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
