My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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