Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
