Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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