At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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