Jerry, you need to find god
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
