theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
