just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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