1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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