My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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