Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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