I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
