evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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