At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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